Trainers in Nightclubs, a blog named after a real life experience with a very dear friend, is no more. I began writing there this afternoon, after some pretty hefty, weighty and unwieldy thoughts had began their slow circadian rhythm from my heart to my brain. I wrote and wrote then stopped and sighed. It didn’t feel right. Something was not the same anymore. I flirted with a Tumblr for a while, but who really has a Tumblr over the age of 19? Come on now.
As my finger hovered over the delete button for “Trainers in Nightclubs” I hesitated a bit. Was this something I really wanted to do? Is it OK to simply not care that those posts, pictures, drawings I poured so much effort into are essentially lost forever?
It turns out I don’t care. I have copies of those photos, the drawings are right there in a drawer in my studio and the words? well, sometimes it is OK to let go. It is very much OK not to care.
As a child I was never very good at letting go, I used to keep every insignificant note, keepsake and memento as if accumulating a physical remnant would, in some small way make the memory brighter, more indelible on my memory. As I have got older I have grown to realise that clinging to mere approximations of something, at least in tangible form, does not matter to me quite as much as it used to.
Which is why I find myself letting go to a space that served a purpose, but now gives way to something new. I tried to reinvent it, to change tack and try to make it fit this new life I have created, but somehow it wasn’t working. “Trainers in Nightclubs” was, as its original description said “Documenting the journey of starting again”. And I did start again, I started again and wrote about it and made sense of it. And now, I find myself starting all over again, again. It just feels right somehow.
I hope you like my new (personal) online home. I think it is pretty shiny, I have been going through some pretty major stuff lately which I am only able to share with a few people. For someone with so much to say, I sure am struggling to say it. I’ll be okay though, I keep my head up.