Tick Tock.


In two days, I am another year older. I joke about it with friends, making fun of the age related meltdowns some of our mutual acquaintances have experienced, relying on the use of the phrase “in my day” and cringing at the realisation that the first profile picture we posted on facebook preceded smartphones by years too plentiful in number to admit.

But while I exclaim my lost youth to anyone who will listen, a part of me feels.. okay. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and is really the main blessing of growing older. Each passing year used to feel like I was kissing goodbye to myself at 21, the age where we are commonly persuaded that the world is at our feet, at 25 the age where we are finding the job we want to do, the man we want to marry, the place we want to live. It felt like I was hurtling towards something and nobody seemed to tell  me exactly what. Here is what I have learnt.  Continue reading “Tick Tock.”

Tick Tock.

Hello 2015


Something really odd has happened to me in the last week or so since Christmas ended. I think that a lot of people go through a renewal of sorts once the end of the year is done and we fall into a sort of holding pattern waiting for 2015 to allow us to emerge, reborn and re-juvinated. For me, I usually procrastinate. I talk about all the things I want to achieve, the 3 stone I want to lose, the money I want to save etc etc, but I often know in my heart of hearts that I won’t really do any of them. I know that by February I will be back to eating bread, drinking coffee and ignoring myfitnesspal like that dodgy guy from the neighbourhood I went on a date with who I keep seeing around and pretending I don’t know.

I’m not the sort of person to make resolutions, I always think if you want to do something, really want to do something… then you would have just done it already, right?  A part of me says this is true, there are lots of things that I have picked up this year that I just “did”- double cleansing, green juices and meditating being three of them. Just as surely as night follows day, however, there will be things that I ultimately commit to doing but procrastinate.

You see, for every thing I leap up and tackle, there is something else I drop and sweep with a besocked foot under the rug. I am a procrastinator- why do today what you can put off tomorrow!? There are more exciting things to be done on this to-do list!

2014 was busy- far busier than I had anticipated. I rented a little place on my own, left a full time job I absolutely loved and pursued a number of opportunities as a freelancer, and it was horrible! Terrifying! I didn’t have hardly any money! I wrestled with the notion that I was good enough at something for people to want to pay for it and I realised that was something I had to let go of. A year later, I look back on the goals I made on the back of a letter demanding money and I am proud that I have achieved them. Not only have I achieved them I have smashed them and been forced to reset them. And that’s amazing, we should never be afraid to redream. I enter 2015 with many of the same worries and fears but with renewed confidence that the fear is not of the unknown, rather of the effort required to overcome the issue- but hey! At least I know I can overcome. I read last year that “everything is figure-outable” and that is SO true, even if you don’t feel that way. I have learnt that the world is not going to crumble around me while I take a moment to figure out the answer and that taking time to plan, to sort, to simplify is infinitely better than the dull, sickly dread that comes over me when I know I am procrastinating.

So, having embraced the fact I am a procrastinator I found myself in the last few days of 2014 ordering a new diary. (Inspired by the filofax community I accidentally stumbled upon on YouTube whilst looking for insert sizes) I figured that becoming more of a planner would help me in all areas of my life. The last two days, I have set up my planner in a way that will both inspire and organize me. Writing something down is no longer making it real and scary, but it is making me accountable for my life and also less prone to time wasting. I don’t want to make a list of resolutions, but there are things that I hope I can accomplish or continue doing this year and here they are.

1. Organise- Use a planner to manage my time better, reduce anxiety, achieve more and free up some time. Spend a little time each day rather than hours worrying.

2. Double cleanse. I am fairly good with skincare but towards the end of 2014 I found that nothing was working for me. I switched up my products and regime and my skin has never been better.

3. Drink more water. Not just more water but less caffeinated and sugary beverages. I am aiming to swap out 3 of my cups of tea or coffee for herbal beverages.

4. Spend more wisely. I am not going to spend less so much as spend better. I have reached an age where I want less but better things.

5. Travel. Last year I went to Paris on a spontaneous trip. This year I would like to return but also want to go to Berlin. A trip to Canada is also on the cards.

6. Reach goals and redream. I want to continue growing my business, reach my goals but also reset them. I think smaller, achievable goals are far better than huge, fantastical ones that leave us stressed and sad when we fail to reach them.

7. Vlog more. I started a mizzban Youtube channel earlier this year and did precisely nothing with it. I want to use it to help me with more interesting blog content and document the places I go. I want it to support this blog so see it as an addition rather than a distraction so the content will be as varied as this blog is. Check it out, subscribe! Please subscribe- I only have 4 subscribers!

8. Eat, sleep, rave, repeat. By this I mean find balance. 2014 was pretty one sided in terms of my social life and health versus my work and sleep pattern. This year I want to remind myself that sacrificing some things does not make me more of a success, rather than the people who successfully find balance really do have it all.

9. Go outside. During the Autumn, I found myself suffering from cabin fever a lot. I was working indoors a lot during that time and resolved to sit outside for 15 mins MINIMUM every day, weather it was to grab a coffee, or speak to a friend on the phone. I felt LOTS better for doing it and it is something I want to continue this year.

10. Look forward. In 2014, I was spectacularly guilty of looking sideways, wrongly preoccupied with photographers I convinced myself were doing better than me. I started to always feel badly about my current position. I had to take a step back and remind myself that we were NOT playing the same game, that it didn’t matter and it really, really doesn’t. Being aware of others but remaining focussed on your goals is key for 2015 and I do not intend to let anyone else’s game throw me off mine.

That’s it for now! Are any of your 2015 goals similar to mine? Is there anything you started doing in 2014 that was so effective you want to make it the focus for this year? Let me know!

Hello 2015